No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
