My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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