Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
