God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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