evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
