I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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