I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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