Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
