i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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