i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
