I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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