If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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