..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
