The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
