been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
