I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
