So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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