Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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