I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
