so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
