You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
