Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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