remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
