Me. At least after what I've been through.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
