hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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