I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
