Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
