We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
