This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
