wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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