he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
