So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
