Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
