I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
