I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
