So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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