Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
