The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
