Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
