The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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