i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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