i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
