No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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