I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
