Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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