She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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