Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
