I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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