he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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