im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
