hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
