i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
