I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
