google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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