I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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