did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
