You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
