I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
